forstevenwithlove.com

By Victoriana

Steven, do you remember that conversation we had about what would happen if one of us died before the other?

I remember telling you that if I died first, you were supposed to roll over and die with me. 😂 Because seriously, babe, how could either of us possibly live without the other? We were supposed to grow old together. That was the plan!

And you looked at me and said, “Yes, babe, I would have to keep going. I would have to take care of my kids. I would be the only parent.”

I remember looking at you like, how could you even imagine living without me? I was genuinely offended! 😂 I know I was being silly and unrealistic, but in my mind, we loved each other so much that I couldn’t imagine either of us living without the other.

But you meant what you said.

And now, baby, here I am. Still on Earth, still your wife, still raising our five babies, trying to figure out how to live in a world without you.

And now I understand.

I’m the one who has to keep going. I’m the one who has to raise our kids, be there for them, and watch them grow up. It’s not the life I imagined, and it’s certainly not the life I wanted, but they still need their mom.

Sometimes I tell our kids that story, and they tell me what I know their dad would say.

“Mom, keep on going.”

And so I will, Steven. I’ll keep going for our babies. I’ll do my best to give them a beautiful life, and I’ll carry you with me through every year I’m blessed to have.

I still think you were a little bold telling me all that, though. 😂 I just never thought I’d be the one learning what you meant.

And when I finally reach those gates and see you again, don’t you dare look at me like I’m some old lady. You’re forever 34, and I’ll have lived all those years without you. Just look at me like the girl you fell in love with.

Until then, baby, I’ll keep going.

You told me I would have to.

And now I understand.

I love you, Steven. Forever. ❤️

Ps I Love you!